Why must we put a label on a picture that has nothing
but a fake smile and good lighting?
Because behind the raised eyebrows and the plastered grin on our face
there is a person who has scars instead of smiles,
and is scared to step out of the shadows that allows a safety blanket of grainy pixels
to cover our insecurites in the form of an instagram post.
Maybe if we promise the media that our photo is nothing but original,
we can believe that the fake lighting and the angle of the camera
has nothing to do with the seemingly beautiful person who is smiling back at us.
Because without the reassurance that there is nothing veiling our identity
maybe we can convince ourselves that that person who got 56 likes
is really me.
Because God forbid someone were to see me
as the student who cries herself to sleep at night,
because she got a 71% on her calculus exam;
or the girl who suffers from anxiety attacks
because I don't know what I want to do with my life,
or what will make me happy,
but I know it's not this.
I'm not just a blonde girl who maintains a weighted 3.866 GPA
and excells in her AP Literature and Composition class.
I am a person who struggles with their confidence
and drowns out her feelings with ink while never opening my mouth
to voice how hurt I am that you called me
I tend to excape through novels and adventures, that I know I will never experience,
and have knack for lighting candles when I'm sad
because at times it's the only light I can see.
I drive aimlessly throughout town
because the only time I feel like I'm going in the right direction
is when I don't know the difference between east and west,
or whether I'm going to make it home in time
Because behind the freckles and the pefect eyeliner,
I'm the girl who moved across the country twice in five months
just because I wanted to find home.
But I came to the conclusion that, for lost souls like mine,
home isn't a place,
it's a person,
and I haven't found them yet so I'll just keep looking.
Without the black and white edit you couldn't tell that
I am the fan who gets overwhelmingly attacted to fictional stories,
and has J.R. Tolkien's words etched permenantly in my skin;
because if not all those who wander are lost
maybe my happiness is traveling the universe
and my satisfaction has no destination.
Autumn is my favorite season, not from the change in leaves,
but the chance at new beginnings; and ironically News Years is my saddest holiday
from the unaccomplished vows I swore to myself,
and the time that has slipped between my fingers.
While the land of "what if" is my nightmare,
and the library is my safe haven because each book
is a personalized ticket out from reality.
And maybe you don't care, maybe no one cares,
who I am behind the X-Pro edit but I do,
And I can promise you that what I've said is who I am,
and who I am is what I've said,
and that I won't be changing anytime soon.
So from now on,
maybe I should truly live by my own identity,
and classify my whole being as