I did it! For the first time in my life I did amazingly well on a test.

You looked at me like I was a miracle, for the first time you thought you had succeeded with my case.

It is a lie though; I spent my time working with a tutor,

Every free moment I had spent fighting with numbers

Night after night I struggled to understand, but I didn’t give up

I wanted to show you that I was smarter than you believed I was

You hadn’t taught me anything. You just confused me even more.

I had to sit down with a woman who had known me my entire life

Someone who understood what I meant when I say “I am pretty sure I understand now.”

You couldn’t see how I struggled, how I read my numbers backwards and would end up misplacing my negatives.

You had never seen me want to learn because you had made me think I was the stupidest person in the world.

I didn’t understand numbers and with you kept looking at me like I was helpless.

I had wanted to come in afterschool for help, but you told me to figure it out, that I already knew it.

I didn’t! If I had known I wouldn’t be asking you for help, yet you didn’t want to give me the time.

I can read and write, but give me an equation and tell me to find the missing number or graph it you will find the blank look in my eyes.

Like a deer in the headlights whenever you asked me to get up and solve the problem on the board.

Couldn’t you see that I hated it?  That even after you explaining to me how to do it my mind couldn’t comprehend how you got there.

You have no right judging me when you don’t understand me.

Why I don’t do my homework you ask?

It might be because I am working double shifts to keep my family afloat.

It might be that my dad can’t move because of a motorcycle accident

And my mother doesn’t have anything to do with my brother and I now that the divorce is final

So why do I still try so hard when I know that you will never accept the fact that I cannot spend my time working on homework.

That you can never understand how much I want to get good grades and succeed.

So I can go on to a better life and provide for a family that has tried to provide for me.

Yet I will never tell you that, because you will never understand me.