we all killed for ice cream

Spiders crawling toward me

Faces shifting, distorted

People talking all around me

“You’re nothing, they hate you”

“You are nothing but a burden”




Can’t speak, can’t see

Can’t breathe

Never alone,

Always alone

Never really alone

My brain is exploding

No, really, it’s exploding

Or it’s leaking from my ears and pooling over my body

Can’t think

Can’t dream

Dreams are real

Real is a dream

What is it?

Who is that?

I can’t remember what I did or said

What was I supposed to do today?

What happened yesterday?





Nothing to say

Words have no meaning

Can they even understand me?

Why do they send me messages?

Why these messages?

Where is La Premiere?

I need mon ange guardien

I need her here to scold them

Hold me in your arms, belle Cherie

The First, The Last, the Angel of God who protects me

She speaks to me through the fans

Whilst they yell at me to die through the vents

Even the walls breathe

Everything moves

The air around me moves

I can see the other world,

The true world

Others can’t, because

I am God’s right hand

I was even God the other day

I blessed them.

I blessed them.


Not now, maybe tomorrow

Can I go up on the roof?

Can I be God today?







No response

Pas de reponse

Elle n’est pas la

Mais j’ai besoin d’elle

Ou est-elle?

Ou est mon ange?

Je l’ai perdu

I’ve lost my mind

Have you seen it?

I thought I left it in the trunk of my car

My keys

My wallet

My brain

I’m sorry

I want you

I killed you

I killed them all

I lied because I am bad

I am bad because I lie

I lie

I lie

I lie

God help me

I am dead.

Did you know I am from England?

Or Corona

Or Monterey

Or Riverside

Or Beaumont

Or North Hollywood

Or France

Or Australia

Or everywhere, yet nowhere

Because I died the other day

And I came back to life

I killed, they killed, we all killed for ice cream!


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741