I wake up light-headed and I touch my pillow,
trying to put my memory back together but I just don't know
how the hell I got home last night.
I remember standing on the side of the road, my legs barely putting up a fight.
This is how I spend most mornings, cleaning up my mess from the night before,
rushing as fast as I can before my mother walks through the door.
I have to admit, I'm trapped.
I tried so hard but I guess I relapsed.
I hate my life because I miss what it was.
I hate having to feel, that's why I try numbing the pain with these drugs.
Yeah, it's honestly great for a while.
Walking around without having to force a smile.
I know the only reason I'm in a good mood is because I'm intoxicated
but is it really that big of a deal? Why are they so agrivated.
At least I'm not crying and wishing I was dead, right?
It really is amazing until you get so fucked up that you can't defend yourself in a fight.
Or until your mom starts worrying that you were crying because your eyes are red.
Or you end up not getting sleep at night because you'd rather do pills than go to bed.
It's all fun and games... until your family finds out.
When your mom finds you in your closet, nearly overdosed, and blacked-out.
But the next day, you don't remember a thing.
I have dope, screw having a diamond ring.
But when your family gets worried and you're stuck in your lies,
there's nowhere else to run unless you permanently say goodbye.
Eventually Your life will come crashing down,
harder than before, like knocking over a Lego block town.
I took these drugs because I wanted to be happy and free,
but the drugs took my education, my reputation and the trust from my family.
In the end, the drugs took what I was longing for all along.
I wish I could've seen that it would've gone so wrong.
I'm fighting everyday for my family...my baby sister.
She's only 3 and she's seen more than I should've let her.
She's my baby, I raised her, and she means the world to me.
And for her, a better person is who i need to be.
~ Kayla Mohney