The War of My Mind

Wed, 03/20/2019 - 12:37 -- Aestes

What is Fear?

What is real or fake?

is this breath, mine to take?

why me, I ask is it to be

a lowly Schizophrenic,

A freak.

How can I fight what is not real?

How can I defeat the very thing that powers me?

What on earth or in heaven or hell flowered this weed of terror?

I can never be sure of the existence around me

Is my friends real? my family? myself?

But why mourn when I can Scorn?

I am Me

I can battle tooth and nail

Hell or high water

Till the demons come knocking on my door

Because I am stronger than my illness

I AM MORE

With My God and my wits I will succeed

No other option,

No other choice.

I refuse to be a victim of my own insanity.

At nights my mind is filled with profanity

against itself for simply existing

Horrors and sounds that torment me

Hell on earth consumes me

And I am left with mental pain

But I Will FIGHT

If not me, then who will?

Who else could possibly fight these monstrosities?

With my horrored vision I see the disembodied

People missing arms, legs, heads and more

God knows I try so hard to stay away

I try so hard to keep it at bay

I hate all of the dismay

But I will fight

I was not born to run and hide

I was born to fight with pride

I was born to be better than anyone before me

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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