War

To live silently

Quench misery

Hide demons

That's not my poem.

My words aren't stolen from my pride

I'm not broken inside

Now that some nobodys had me realize

How to survive an animal that could

Tear me to pieces.

We're quick learners.

I mute the melody within me because

The fight against the bass is too strong a wave

Too suffocating

To stand up against alone.

Nestled in my memory, underneath the skin

The stress of enemy creatures closing in

Can be dealt with

At a later date.

Because my voice isn't scratchy.

I don't shove my way into the limelight and

the time to drop the mic will come.

I can wait.

But until then, I retreat.

Your handshakes can be warm, but shoulders cold

Called names or shunned,

and I know

It happens to everyone

Withhold my thoughts and bight my tongue

Smile for pictures and act withdrawn

The show must go on.

And I may cross my fingers that the young and wild will

Mature somehow, or meet their maker

That someone else might see their true nature

That foolishness will trip them

Hoping Fate hasn't slipped

I can wish or I can fantasize

But reality states that if I plow on

Lips zipped

I'll walk out of their lives.

Head high.

I won't see who's laughing now

We know better than that.

And when I'm gone, I won't look back.

The fact that my words grew louder like

A feeling infested with a cause

I vouch for the coward that flinched

Because it was me once

Until I saw there would always be verbal weaponry

To defend me against the foes of my past

And there will always be an enemy attack

It was a learning process, but we're there.

I can't argue with the immortal

And the mothers of the demogogic

The pith of their prize with pride reeks

So I dig in my heels

Turn the other cheek.

I hate to stoop to such a level

To spar with the two-faced

My fake jaw must unclamp

My real words, silent

That's how I face the battlefield devils

Those violent words and I

We set up camp.

This is war.

These centripetal followers

And poser decor

Think I should be like them?

Like them?!

 

You needn't be voiceless or wordless or shy

You're just bidding your time

The undefeated don't use the upper hand

And if we're not needed by those elite clans

Then we retain this mastery for ourselves.

But don't let your spirit stray when you're passed by

You raise your chin damn high

When they launch missiles

Makin' my life seem glum

I'll be laughing on the inside

Thinkin' you can't catch me

You can't catch me

We're quicker than that.

Step one: they exclude you and you push redemption

Helplessly

Step two: Your mom pleads jealousy, you’re perfect, they want what you have but

Step 3: you’re venting about armies against one, against you, friction between cliques like you’re a weed, and they’re so perfect that you can only ever smile to hide your hurten core, your sob story life like some cheesy metaphor

Step 4: You dry your eyes and take back pride, you stand by my side

And hold you head damn high

Step 5: and it’s over. You can move on. Just like that. You’re silence unwasted, and remember those days not in black and blue not in pain but in colors.

And know

I’m a warrior, a fighter, a survivor

And I hear some of you saying “I agree with her”

Some of you nodding your heads

Oblivious that you’re in this poem

That half of you have done the same

So go home and text and tweet and post and complain

That I’m a bitch with an attitude

She’s just dramatic, she’s sensitive, and my voice wanes

You take away what I want to say

You fill up my spaces with excuses

And my war cry becomes small

Becomes silent

But I won’t stop.

We’re stronger than that.

They might make their mark on the world taking selfies on friend’s phones

Or full blown politicians on my ballads or be my, boss or my peers

Or be beastly creatures in the fight of bitch fits and claws

And you may withdraw, or scream inside and whine and cry

But I can’t change my world if I don’t accept its flaws. 

We can deal with that.

My valediction to this cruel reality IS my silence.

My stubborn foot will shove up yours if you try to change me, trip me,

Catalog my character and/or win this battle.

We’re not going anywhere.

So when they beat you down to stir up their masquerade

Grade A schoolyard games for the browbeating bully

You beat your chest and play them.

We’re untouchable,

Unafriad.

And when you're towered over by the invincible

Stand taller

It took me a while to build up my steel armor

And it's still not impenetrable.

But you know better now.

You're smarter than that.

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