To live silently
That's not my poem.
My words aren't stolen from my pride
I'm not broken inside
Now that some nobodys had me realize
How to survive an animal that could
Tear me to pieces.
We're quick learners.
I mute the melody within me because
The fight against the bass is too strong a wave
To stand up against alone.
Nestled in my memory, underneath the skin
The stress of enemy creatures closing in
Can be dealt with
At a later date.
Because my voice isn't scratchy.
I don't shove my way into the limelight and
the time to drop the mic will come.
I can wait.
But until then, I retreat.
Your handshakes can be warm, but shoulders cold
Called names or shunned,
and I know
It happens to everyone
Withhold my thoughts and bight my tongue
Smile for pictures and act withdrawn
The show must go on.
And I may cross my fingers that the young and wild will
Mature somehow, or meet their maker
That someone else might see their true nature
That foolishness will trip them
Hoping Fate hasn't slipped
I can wish or I can fantasize
But reality states that if I plow on
I'll walk out of their lives.
I won't see who's laughing now
We know better than that.
And when I'm gone, I won't look back.
The fact that my words grew louder like
A feeling infested with a cause
I vouch for the coward that flinched
Because it was me once
Until I saw there would always be verbal weaponry
To defend me against the foes of my past
And there will always be an enemy attack
It was a learning process, but we're there.
I can't argue with the immortal
And the mothers of the demogogic
The pith of their prize with pride reeks
So I dig in my heels
Turn the other cheek.
I hate to stoop to such a level
To spar with the two-faced
My fake jaw must unclamp
My real words, silent
That's how I face the battlefield devils
Those violent words and I
We set up camp.
This is war.
These centripetal followers
And poser decor
Think I should be like them?
You needn't be voiceless or wordless or shy
You're just bidding your time
The undefeated don't use the upper hand
And if we're not needed by those elite clans
Then we retain this mastery for ourselves.
But don't let your spirit stray when you're passed by
You raise your chin damn high
When they launch missiles
Makin' my life seem glum
I'll be laughing on the inside
Thinkin' you can't catch me
You can't catch me
We're quicker than that.
Step one: they exclude you and you push redemption
Step two: Your mom pleads jealousy, you’re perfect, they want what you have but
Step 3: you’re venting about armies against one, against you, friction between cliques like you’re a weed, and they’re so perfect that you can only ever smile to hide your hurten core, your sob story life like some cheesy metaphor
Step 4: You dry your eyes and take back pride, you stand by my side
And hold you head damn high
Step 5: and it’s over. You can move on. Just like that. You’re silence unwasted, and remember those days not in black and blue not in pain but in colors.
I’m a warrior, a fighter, a survivor
And I hear some of you saying “I agree with her”
Some of you nodding your heads
Oblivious that you’re in this poem
That half of you have done the same
So go home and text and tweet and post and complain
That I’m a bitch with an attitude
She’s just dramatic, she’s sensitive, and my voice wanes
You take away what I want to say
You fill up my spaces with excuses
And my war cry becomes small
But I won’t stop.
We’re stronger than that.
They might make their mark on the world taking selfies on friend’s phones
Or full blown politicians on my ballads or be my, boss or my peers
Or be beastly creatures in the fight of bitch fits and claws
And you may withdraw, or scream inside and whine and cry
But I can’t change my world if I don’t accept its flaws.
We can deal with that.
My valediction to this cruel reality IS my silence.
My stubborn foot will shove up yours if you try to change me, trip me,
Catalog my character and/or win this battle.
We’re not going anywhere.
So when they beat you down to stir up their masquerade
Grade A schoolyard games for the browbeating bully
You beat your chest and play them.
And when you're towered over by the invincible
It took me a while to build up my steel armor
And it's still not impenetrable.
But you know better now.
You're smarter than that.