It started with me running

My feet hitting the ground with purpose in every step

My toes touching grass and my legs never tiring

I was moving

I was a child with no sense of direction but no cares to give about where I was going

I just wanted to go somewhere, and I wanted to tell people about what I was seeing

I was seeing sky, and friends, and school, and books

Life, and love, and laughter

I always dreamed big and never accepted any less than the best

But then dreams shifted into expectations

 

Next came standing

My feet were planted in place like the flowers I used to pluck the petals from

Counting off loves-me-not’s for every person I knew until the flowers became convincing

Loves-me-not, loves-me-not, loves-me-not

Until the petals piled up into a wall, my first

Loves-me-not, loves-me-not, loves-me-not

And I could no longer see the sun rise

 

Next came kneeling

Down on my knees, spitting out prayers from my lips and letting confessions drip from my eyes

Wishing that my love-me-not’s would forget me not, because they no longer loved me

I used the stems of my old flowers as paint brushes

And I painted out my pleas onto the wall now in front of me until I ran out of space

I gathered up pages and pages of the prayers I let out in hopes of being able to get back on my feet

But when I looked to the side to find more room to write

I found another wall I had made from my own cries for help

 

Next came sitting

With my knees up to my chest and my arms around my legs

Protecting my heart from the people trying to grab at it

I couldn’t trust them

So I stacked up stones as high as I could so they couldn’t see me

I gathered up rocks and built a wall of my own so I wouldn’t have to see them

I could still hear them, so I filled my ears with concrete so I could have silence

So I could have solitude

So I could be alone

But there was still one empty side

 

Next came lying down

Holding my arms against myself

Tossing and turning to each side as I tried to sleep

I blamed it on the empty space that let people stare at me

Let them distract me

So I kicked away anybody who tried to get too close

With every day that passed by, I curled up a little more

With every night that dragged without rest, I grew angrier

Until eventually, everyone else built the fourth wall for me

 

Next came sinking

I lied on my back and stared up as the sky shifted from day to night, and then back again

Letting the weight of gravity press me into the ground, bit by bit

Soon my spine was easing its way through my skin, reaching down and digging itself into the earth

My fingers clawed at the dirt below me, tunneling down to my shoulders

My feet burrowed down as well, and plants began to grow through and around me

Until I was no more than the flowers with their petals plucked away

The vines made their way up the walls around me, and created a canopy over my head

Until finally, I was completely shut away, and the sun could no longer shine

But then I remembered

I’m afraid of the dark

 

I tried to cut away the leaves and vines that coiled around me

But they were a part of me

I tried to scream for help

But I couldn’t even hear myself

I tried to sleep it away in the chance that it was only a dream

But all I met were nightmares

I tried to cry it out

But I only watered the plants that held me down

So I stayed

And I waited

Hoping that the people I pushed away would come back