Society paints consent as a given

Something everyone knows.

But it took me years to figure out what it means

And even now I feel lost.

 

I let you touch me.

Deep in my stomach I felt the discomfort

But I pushed it aside.

Why?

 

I was never taught to do that.

My mother always told me to be strong,

To stand up for myself.

Why didn't I?

 

I become weak in a relationship.

My voice gets caught deep behind my heart.

There, it brews.

Only when I’m alone will it spill over

Simply to tell me everything I’ve done wrong.

 

You're disgusting. You've disappointed your mother.

Why didn't you be strong, like she wanted?

Why can't you just...

 

Scream.

 

I always thought I was unfit for love.

I was too broken to find my voice,

To speak what needed to be said.

 

I would let anything happen to me

And not let a word slip passed my tongue that cradled the truth.

Maybe one day I’ll learn to stop destroying myself

Maybe one day I’ll learn to be strong.

 

That day is when I will no longer fear love

Or even the illusion of it.

And I will create my own art of my life

And of myself.