It was snowing outside when he first hurt me.

He who’s name that I cannot speak without tears,

used to be so familiar to me.

We dated for a couple years,

so maybe he thought it was the perfect time.

I wasn’t ready, yet I let him in.

I let him take away a part of me.

I let him take full control over me, making me vulnerable.

The key he had, unlocked me and exposed me to him.

It was all too soon.

I wanted all of this to stop, but I kept letting it happen for months.

There were so many times when I could’ve,

should’ve said no,

but that one word didn’t slip between my sad chapped lips.

I was too afraid to leave.

So I just let him keep hurting me and hurting me,

over and over again.

He hurt me when flowers started to grow in the grass.

He hurt me when the sun was so hot, it made skin darken.

He even hurt me when the leaves changed to different colors and fall to the cold solid ground.

I decided I needed to run away from him.

Run away from his smart mind and his venomous bite.

He will no longer be in any part of my life.

He could never hurt me again.

But he does hurt me.

He haunts my memories everyday

He scares me in my sleep

by sneaking up in my nightmares.

He makes me tense whenever I see his face.

No matter how far I go,

he will always have a piece of me,

and I will always have a piece of him.

What if he never leaves?

The flower that once was pure and locked inside of me,

shriveled up and made me weak.

How could I let go of something so beautiful?

How could I let go of something that I wanted to save

for someone else that would take care of it?

I could’ve saved it for the day I wore white and say vows.

Now I’m not sure if I truly deserve to wear such a pure color.

I was filled with poison that changed me into an oily black.

There are times when I feel depressed because of it.

Times when I push everyone I love away.

Times when I put a knife to my arm.

Times when I want to die. I don’t do it though.

Despite all of this pain,

I can say that I survived,

that I lived.

It would be selfish of me to die now.

I may have let it happen to me,

but I can forgive myself now

and move on to my new life

knowing I’m not the only one that has been unlocked.

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