I am only 17

And working at Mickey D's

Drive thru

Only to see you drive thru

Higher than a kite

And flirt with them big brown eyes

How I wish I was as high as you are

Or even just sitting in your car

Just so I could learn about who you are

And forget who I am

And little do I know that you like me, god damn.

A few more times and you drive by

We exchange numbers because I want to get high

And then you disappear

Into thin air

But you never really texted so why do I care?

A couple months go by and I’m newly single

Ready to mingle

Ready to piss him off and turn someone on

You drive thru and my light switch flips on.

Having a conversation across the face of the girl in the driver’s seat

My heart hurts and skips a beat

Now you have a girl friend

And that made my night end

With a bad taste in my mouth

And a smile turned south

I go home

And sleep alone.

The next few days

Are blurry and hazed

But I remember you coming thru

And flirting back too

Wait, she wasn’t your girlfriend? She’s your sister

Well that explains a lot misterrrr….

What’s your name?

I should be ashamed.

"How old are you?

Legally I can’t pursue

Text me when you’re 18

I think we’ll make a great team"

But I’m tired of being alone

So I pick up the phone

Shoot you a text

Now I’m feeling vexed

We hang out on Saturdays

And the feelings never go away

You say I’ve got talent

And my mouth feels so valiant

But little do you know that I want something more

Than to feel like the next bus stop whore

When all I want is affection

All I get is my emotions

Because you’re so damn hard to read

And I know what we’re doing is bad deeds

But I’m tired of these boys and I just want a man

Someone who can treat me like the woman I am.

But the late night kisses on my forehead

And the late naked minutes I’ve spent in your bed

Fuck with me

More than anything.

But I’ll admire your form

And take in your warmth

And how your soft skin

Makes me glow within

But you don’t trust me cause I’m a legal case

I’m possessive and deceiving

The shell of a nut case

And you’re worried I’m gonna tell

Like what the hell?

Who will I tell when everyone keeps leaving?

Exactly, you are all that I have

And when you don’t text back my mind starts to spaz

It’s too early for love but I like you a lot

And I don’t know if you’re in my future or not

And honestly I think it’s because of my depression

Over three years and no therapy session

And a little more than one without my meds

So every night I cry alone in my bed.

You’re always so happy and thankful for the day

And you’re point of view is that or waste the day away

And you don’t know about my mental issues

Or the fact that I have high virtues

So you share with me your opinion

A little harsher than I expect

And once again in my life I feel small like minion

Unimportant and disrespect

But you don’t know about my problems

So I can’t blame you

I do what I do best and run away to solve them

I come back to say goodbye so I don’t lose you too.

You walk me to my car

And even though I don’t live far

You tell me to be safe

And everything will be okay.

You hug me goodnight and kiss me on my head

And as much as I’d like to go cry in my bed

I park at the only place

That’s open this late

And binge on the thought of touching your face

My heart and desires feel so out of space

Someone please take me away from this place.

Five days later and you’ve yet to respond

This ain't the first time and I’m being strong

Last time this happened you had been put in cuffs

I feel like this “us” is a diamond in the rough

I’m sorry that I care

And I’ll always be there

But I can’t keep this going

Without for sure knowing

If you want this to work

Or if it’s a waste of my time.

Accept me and my quirks

Or without you I’ll be fine.

I don’t need you to be happy

I just want you to be there with me

And your presence is something addictive

Kind of like nicotine, it’s vindictive.

But just for once can someone please want me?

I’m just so tired of feeling so god damn lonely.