I am only 17
And working at Mickey D's
Only to see you drive thru
Higher than a kite
And flirt with them big brown eyes
How I wish I was as high as you are
Or even just sitting in your car
Just so I could learn about who you are
And forget who I am
And little do I know that you like me, god damn.
A few more times and you drive by
We exchange numbers because I want to get high
And then you disappear
Into thin air
But you never really texted so why do I care?
A couple months go by and I’m newly single
Ready to mingle
Ready to piss him off and turn someone on
You drive thru and my light switch flips on.
Having a conversation across the face of the girl in the driver’s seat
My heart hurts and skips a beat
Now you have a girl friend
And that made my night end
With a bad taste in my mouth
And a smile turned south
I go home
And sleep alone.
The next few days
Are blurry and hazed
But I remember you coming thru
And flirting back too
Wait, she wasn’t your girlfriend? She’s your sister
Well that explains a lot misterrrr….
What’s your name?
I should be ashamed.
"How old are you?
Legally I can’t pursue
Text me when you’re 18
I think we’ll make a great team"
But I’m tired of being alone
So I pick up the phone
Shoot you a text
Now I’m feeling vexed
We hang out on Saturdays
And the feelings never go away
You say I’ve got talent
And my mouth feels so valiant
But little do you know that I want something more
Than to feel like the next bus stop whore
When all I want is affection
All I get is my emotions
Because you’re so damn hard to read
And I know what we’re doing is bad deeds
But I’m tired of these boys and I just want a man
Someone who can treat me like the woman I am.
But the late night kisses on my forehead
And the late naked minutes I’ve spent in your bed
Fuck with me
More than anything.
But I’ll admire your form
And take in your warmth
And how your soft skin
Makes me glow within
But you don’t trust me cause I’m a legal case
I’m possessive and deceiving
The shell of a nut case
And you’re worried I’m gonna tell
Like what the hell?
Who will I tell when everyone keeps leaving?
Exactly, you are all that I have
And when you don’t text back my mind starts to spaz
It’s too early for love but I like you a lot
And I don’t know if you’re in my future or not
And honestly I think it’s because of my depression
Over three years and no therapy session
And a little more than one without my meds
So every night I cry alone in my bed.
You’re always so happy and thankful for the day
And you’re point of view is that or waste the day away
And you don’t know about my mental issues
Or the fact that I have high virtues
So you share with me your opinion
A little harsher than I expect
And once again in my life I feel small like minion
Unimportant and disrespect
But you don’t know about my problems
So I can’t blame you
I do what I do best and run away to solve them
I come back to say goodbye so I don’t lose you too.
You walk me to my car
And even though I don’t live far
You tell me to be safe
And everything will be okay.
You hug me goodnight and kiss me on my head
And as much as I’d like to go cry in my bed
I park at the only place
That’s open this late
And binge on the thought of touching your face
My heart and desires feel so out of space
Someone please take me away from this place.
Five days later and you’ve yet to respond
This ain't the first time and I’m being strong
Last time this happened you had been put in cuffs
I feel like this “us” is a diamond in the rough
I’m sorry that I care
And I’ll always be there
But I can’t keep this going
Without for sure knowing
If you want this to work
Or if it’s a waste of my time.
Accept me and my quirks
Or without you I’ll be fine.
I don’t need you to be happy
I just want you to be there with me
And your presence is something addictive
Kind of like nicotine, it’s vindictive.
But just for once can someone please want me?
I’m just so tired of feeling so god damn lonely.