I lived on a ship for two months;
a mental institution for middle schoolers;
My nervous twitching came back,
but you know it was only because I felt dry.
They put me on Prozac:
Zombies who can’t cry;
Quarters in the brain;
Monsters under my bed.
“It might even squash your appetite a bit,” the Doctor said.
I know why she said that: Placebo Effect.
In 1990 there was this guy who was told he was undergoing heart surgery.
The doctor never performed it though, made him believe he did. A month later he was completely cured. Google it.
I’m not stupid.
But Western Logic sing songs in my head, “You don’t have to feel this way:”
Swallow the white pill.
And then like a switch of a dime,
I met him.
Two similar beings running into each other.
You brought us together.
(Intimacy in) Africa + many things I cannot say.
Time of our life,
Jack + Jill.
Shhhhhh please don’t tell!
But we fight. We fight all the time and it’s only been four weeks.
(I lo/ve him).
I drink obscene amounts, dance with other men and then
I play games:
Queen of the ball: look at me.
“Juego” he says.
“Fuego” I respond.
Light a cigarette.
Pull a drag.
I tug at his heart strings. I can’t help it. I’m evil.
Make him follow you.
I’m peaking, but then a
I become a Servant to the substance.
“Don’t have another one don’t do it,” I tell myself.
Need to Release;
The calming Madonna in my head looping through my anxiety; a robot programmed to keep me stable.
I light another cigarette.
Pull a drag.
But my diet supplements ran out.
Tony Robbins where are you when I need you?
I wish on every number for emaciation.
It’s all wrong.
“Was it good?” he asks.
Take a drag.
A lullaby runs through:
When I was a girl, I learned how to use every part of a man...
But my sanity is weaning. I start malfunctioning and instead of fighting,
I give in.
I look down into the sea and remember what a Professor once told me:
“The ocean is inviting.”
And I respond, “Yes, very inviting.”