Undecided

I left a message on your phone?
Didn’t you see it?
I called 5 times yesterday, you didn’t pick up?
Was it all intentional?
Or just an undecided decision.

I called, you didn’t respond.
Told me you never loved me at a party the other night.
Ignored me after you found a new boyfriend.
Told me to back off because I wasn’t good enough for you.
Was it all intentional, or just other undecided decisions?

Why do you speak when you are sad?
Why do you speak when you are angry?
Why can’t you shut up and control your moods.
You leaving me with questions, night and day.
Asking myself, did you mean what you said earlier on,
When you told me I was nothing but a piece of rubbish paper.
Was it all intentional or just undecided?

Did you mean to do that?
Block me on social media because we broke up!
Did you mean to do that?
Tease me in front of a crowd,
And watch me leave in tears!
Did you mean to do that?
Come up to my face and say sorry, teasingly!!

I struggle to decide.
What if burn up from all the questions.
Why do I love you so much to think it was a mistake?
I struggle to decide.
Was it intentional?
When you kissed him right after you told me, ‘I care how you feel’.
Intentional or Coincidental?
When you cursed me the other night.
Intentional or coincidental?
When I said I forgive you but you repeated the same old stuff.
Intentional or coincidental?
Intentional or undecided?

If I leave you in tears after tears, after this.
Please note, this is all undecided!
I don’t mean to.

Can I lie like you lied?
Telling me I love you knowing very well you lust me.
Can I hurt you like you hurt me?
Huh? Can I return the favor?
Sorry all this would be undecided.
I didn’t have time to decide,
I struggle with decisions, undecided, like you claim all your faults are.

What word do you expect me to believe next?
Huh? ‘Forgive me’?
Huh? ‘I’ve changed’?
What then? ‘I’m not the same person I used to be’...
After you said that and were still the same person you used to be.
Do you expect me to believe that?
Or maybe expect me to believe,
“I’m sorry, all this was undecided”!

I’m sorry I wrote this.
It wasn’t me…
Please don’t cry, it’s just undecided.
I never meant to pretend I never knew;
All your undecided decisions; were deliciously planned out!

I deny knowing you! I deny meeting you! I deny dating you!
Like you denied me when your crush finally approached you.
I know all this hurts cause it’s a reminder from the past;
Yet I’m sorry, it’s just undecided!

Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

xo_stardust_xo

Wow, this is such a powerful poem. Whoever you are, I can feel your pain and I'm so sorry. Your hurt and anger are so real to me. Thank you for sharing, and I hope one day, somehow, some way, you will heal and find a way to believe that there is still goodness in the world again. Love, xo_stardust_xo :)

Karabo Ntjana

Thank You. Unfortunately I dont relate to the poem.

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741