Not sure

I'm not sure how to fix these animosities between me and who I'm supposed to be
This filtered hate and withered rate
At which I'm falling
I can not begin to explicate verbally the challenge of what it means to prosper successfully !
And yet
I try
Because this failure does not define who I am
And yet that's all I see in a mirror that has become fractured by their measurement of perfection
Those whispering screams of "we'd never love you"
And those deep hollow wounds that remind me that they wont ever love me.
Brave this heart lord because I fear I may join you sooner than what you expect.
And they ask how I question the lords plan, and I become deaf.
If not joining him early is not what he want then why would this life be too weak to suffice.
Weak I am
A coward
A child
A reminder of imperfection.
And I am not sure how to get free of this conviction