I was glowing and I was beautiful,
And like a puppy I layed in the field
With a bone to myself
And myself that was all mine.
I liked the long shorts I wore and
The way I didn't brush my hair.
I was happy with a coffee stained journal
And being curled up in front of a movie.
But I was shaken when the boy who caught my eye
Four years ago
Caught my eye again.
It was exhilirating when we were together.
The last boy broke my heart,
And you made me forget him so easily.
Thank you for that.
Thank you, also,
For letting me feel that happiness for a while
Before you decided that U-Turns were fun.
I would steal the sun to warm your heart,
But it was never quite the right temperature.
I'm sorry I get jealous,
Even though I wish you did too.
I tried to tell you to treat me better,
But I was the only one coming out
With apologies on my lips
And hurt hidden in my heart.
I guess I started liking shorter shorts
That showed my legs
In which I shaved for you.
I guess I took better care of my hair,
Fully aware that it would be your fingers
I would feel on my scalp.
You were the first boy I let touch me,
And I thought that meant something to you too.
I was the first person you confessed your love,
And I don't know why
But I thought hearing that would feel different
And maybe that's because
We were a knot under the sheets
After I told you to stop
When you breathed the three words.
I said it back,
Did you know that I write?
I'm writing for the first time in 5 months.
And I can't remember the last time I watched a movie.
Or sipped hot coffee.
I can't find my bone,
My very own bone,
And this unfamiliar field
And you are here,
Holding my hand,
Tugging me forward.