Two Weeks In

Dreams that taste like memories,

My tonuge twists in my mouth.

I feel your hand caress my cheek.

You catch a falling tear and wipe it, gently, away.

But your kiss is sterile, empty bland.

You aren't real. Your aren't here.

I knew I would die loving you,

Who knew it would be so soon?

Or that I would be the only one of us inlove with the other?

I am lost, abandoned, forsaken.

I know the feeling of victory, now,

As it softly brushes against my lips.

Now in my defeat, you know the same.

The blood is slick on my hands,

But I don't know where it came from.

The world is so small from up here

And this thin pane of glass is enough to keep me from zooming in.

I know your heart is pure, even if your body isn't.

Yet show me a man, mortal, who can truly define purity.

Only then will I cast judgement.

In the eyes of a God you despise you are beautiful

While in the eyes of a God I love I am lost and abhorred.

I have told you this before

and while your ears are open, your heart is closed.

I don't blame you, I don't care.

But it kills me to see you writhing in such pain.

I would then tear myself into 

Ribbons and pieces, ribbons and pieces, ribbons and pieces,

If only to see you whole.

In my place here, 40,000 feet above you and everyone else,

I could step out for some air

If only to know that you would breathe.

This is no bribe, no plea.

It is a staetment from my heart.

I'm not begging you to come back,

I'm not bargaining for your love.

I know you're never coming back, and I know I can't make you.

The veins of the cities pulsing below do not bleed like the veins within me.

The jewels I so desperately decorate my flesh and bone with

Are so easily broken to revel the scars and bruises beneath.

There was a time, a perfect time not so very long ago,

When the sound of your voice and the smell of your shirt

Would awaken not only my body from it slumber

But my soul.

And your breath on my skin and the warmth of your arms

Would lull me into deepest slumber.

But that time is gone with you.

Of all the love I have given across my lifetime,

That which I gave to you was the truest, the purest,

The realest I had to give.

But I, your anchor, I, your weight, I, your millstone,

Could only give what I had and not what you needed.

I have shaken a closed fist angry and screaming to the sky

And I have kneeled, hands clasped together to pray.

You said "I love you"

Only to follow it with "But I can't love you."

The tears I cried were acid burning deep trails into my cheeks

And deeper, still, into my chest.

You could not see the wounds but oh, how they bled and bled.

And still, it is caked to my face, but I cry more and more each day.

So the pain seeps through me and like poison I drink it in.

I will never love another as I ever loved.

I will find you someone that you can love more than me.

Someone who desreves you so much more than I ever could.

This icy hand that squeezes my heart,

That forces me to call out to the vast, empty universe around me,

Reminds me of every promise I made you that I cannot and will not break.

That I would follow you wherever,

Nurture you, hold you, help you,

Lift you from shadow and bathe you in unceasing light,

That I would care for you, have you, need you, want you,

Love you.

And I am nothing if not a woman of my word.

See, I do not want another.

You promised to help me find find true, pure love.

And I did.

It was a shame that love didn't find me back.

There is no task here for you, no deed to be done, no pieces to pick up.

And like every night since you left,

With that I close my eyes so they may meet yours.

And I will dream of you as if it were a memory,

And I will miss you as if that will make you return to me.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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