Twelve Days Left of Freshmen Year

I only have twelve days left 
of my freshmen year of college
and it doesn’t seem 
like the end of school years during high school 
or before

I feel simultaneously excited for summer
and melancholy, as if I should mourn the school year
not because it was beloved
or deserves a funeral with flowers like graduation last year

I feel like I should cry paper tears
over the fact that it left me feeling so empty
not even saint marks could do that to me
but they say
“Party because you won”
and I suppose I ought to try

I only have twelve days left
of my freshmen year of college
and while all my friends are posting
“see you next September”
and
“Wow, what a year!”
I’m here shrugging
as snow shakes the lampposts
and Spanish music sings

I should be disturbed
that I have the capacity for such apathy
but real adults praise me for it
saying it’s a sign of maturity
and I want to fly to Neverland
because that is pretty terrifying

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