trusting

trusting

you want me to trust you are you for real how do i trust someone who compares me to the worst of the worstI'm not gonna lie i know that your trying your best but that scary you can go from my mom to stranger the next,you think that i don't know that was stupid, i know that was a poor mistake and you have no clue how hard it takes to pull the blankets off and get up in the morning, I walk around and smile wide but inside I wish you could just disappear and don't exist, Oh now you hate me , go ahead hate me  tell me i'm just like him one more time. you don't hate until you've been inside of mind, that's a dangerous place I wish I could see what you see in mrBecause from the view I have it's just not enough i'm just a sad piece of paper floating around in the sky, out of place, a waste of space. You seem scared please don't be scared of me i'm trying really hard to be the daughter you wanted i know it's not enough and I wish i was someone you need me to be, i'm really scared that one day I'll commit, it's not that I want to diei just fear the day when i'm not able to get up in the morningwill then people see finaily what i'm meant to bewhat i am i feel like an animal a predator that can pounce any moment i'm scared to look, do you see me??It's hard to get out of this place of loss and sorrow, and it's not that I can't, it's that iw won't i lost a lot and now all i have is my self hatred and  this vale I use to cover my faceI found some red paint,I painted on that smile so it could be easier to get up in the morning I've always walked on eggshells around him, because I knew he could break at any moment.I can feel you do the same thing to me, Please don't be scared of me.I know that you fear one day i'll do the same thing he did to you, this is me trying really hard not to snap.not to break this role i've committed to playing a role of a little girl who could do no harm I know that it's hard to trust, I understand i lie to me to but for the wrong reason I lie to you to protect your consciencethere no hope left for me I'm a missed opportunity, standing around mocking me I've always had a gun on my head, in case people saw him and not me, I don't know who I am any more maybe I already snapped and you already see me. maybe I've never acted like him maybe this role i'm playing was him but then that would make me you.. Maybe we have more in common than I thought, I don't know if you carry the same self hatred as me but I can see we carry the same black vale we use to cover our face, for when our mind is in a difficult place , do you fear me because you see him or you in me because I don't know who I am anymore I lost the happy girl who still had faith in the world if you ever need me you can find me in the cornerin a different place you can try to shout But I won't hear you i've got a playlist blaring in my ears set on repeat to cover the noise of this feeling of loneliness because I hate to admit I'm all alone but then again there all of these other kids hiding all over the place with their headphones and vale to cover their face just like you and methey're scared to commit and can never trust maybe we all took a class on how to feel this never ending need to die it's  either that or they lived once but I'll never know it's hard to trust 

This poem is about: 
Me
Our world

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