True to Self

Snapshots of a life well-spent
Moments of Greatness frozen into eternal silence
Laughter, scowls, and faux-pensive looks
On half hidden faces
Topped off with the stolen words from
Real geniuses whose sad lives we mock.
I follow suit though;
Because everyone knows these frozen moments
Define your whole life,
At least that’s the hope when people
“stalk” you
“like” you,
“follow” you.
Find out the real you.
I hope that sequence of images
I meticulously choreographed and designed
Shows my true self to you,
The truth I chose.
Because I didn’t choose the loneliness,
The yearning to belong, but not;
I didn’t choose the nights spent
Looking up at the ceiling
But not seeing the ceiling
Only the feeling,
The loss.
I am lost.
I didn’t choose the hardship
The challenges I fell into
But I insist that my tripping in the first place
Was not my fault.
My thoughts
Wander because there’s no one
To tell me what to do anymore
There’s no one to call the shots
And take the blame.
It’s all me.
And I didn’t choose that.
Grow up.
That was easy when your body did it
But now I gotta do it.
And I don’t know how.
How do you reach toward the Future
When you still want to hold hands with the Past?
Am I a child?
No, I don’t choose that either.
While we hold hands,
The Past can’t understand
The things I know.
It chooses not to.
And I don’t choose that.
So, do I let go?
Then what?
I don’t know.
And you’ll never know either.
Because I’ll never freeze a moment like that.
I choose not to let the world know the truth.
Because I don’t know it myself.

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