She said,

Catch me and answer me.

Answer me now because I am not perfect.

Answer me now because I am not so together.

Answer me now because I'm tired

Sick and tired of never knowing and never being absolutely sure

That you're even there

In the way that my holding stong is beyond repair and you know your place

While mine is everywhere and I'm just human,

Not even quite that and standing broken, almost in the lighter darkness.

Answer me now because I stand on higher ground

And even the weak can hold to advantages, and I am

Powerful. My own narrations cannot be stronger.

She whispered,

Tell me if you would figure on the list, or if you would listen to me talk

If I took of what masks I still have and threw with what force I could muster, took of them

But could not completely rid myself of their protection...

Thoughts again. Things spin and I can't win and you can't lose.

Things fade and my heart breaks every time I lose you

But are you sincere or are you giving yourself

What she made you from the very start

Would you let me fall apart before you one more time, let me

Go through my words, one by timid, unfiltered one

And would you sort through my mind when I would ask

If I was right? Some languages were not meant

For communications and some meanings are best left

Deeply hidden and when you see what truths might be

In my delusional dreams of near-perfection

Will you run or will you stay put and loosen my unruly obsessions

Like you did last time but lightly so I can tell in the blurry rage?

When I reallly do let it go will you let me let you go

Running through the fields of a fiery, tainted world

That might have been best left alone without the poems

It's all up to you, will you stay or must you fall away from me?

If I'm allowed an argument and all I get's a sentence

Well you already know and you don't have the qualifications

And when I put the poison out there will you treat it or leave it because

You might not know it but you're perfect and there's no getting out of that...

She insisted.

I am not helpless but I am just too tired of putting the right away

By mistake because I can't tell the difference

I'm tired of putting the wrong things in the highest place

And just waiting for the towers to shake again

Ivory bone-white-knuckle towers to fall all over me again

And break again and leave me in peace to reorganize

I don't need everything but I want something because I'm tired

Of being wrong again. I don't want to ever crash back into third person

I'm tired of my very own silence that I create

And I'm tired of being wrong again, wrong again, wrong again.

She doesn't want me to go.