Too Much
Lonely, lonely, lonely,
The silence holds no comfort.
Lonely lonely lonely
The silence screams my thoughts.
I’d scream, I’d, shout, I’d laugh just to hear the sound
But that would disturb the neighbors.
Lonely, lonely, lonely,
It’s been too long since I’ve written.
My words piled up. Jumbled over each other.
Crowded.
They clogged the way out.
I kept them in.
But here it is. Hear it as it is.
They mock me
Don’t listen to me
Scream at me
Try to make me react
Call me a nerd
Annoying
Too quiet
Glare at me when I look up
Throw chewed-up carrots at me
They land in my long, frizzy hair
I am
Far. Away.
I kept it in.
Have you ever seen me cry?
I cry with a smile on my face.
You didn’t recognize it
You saw but didn’t know it.
Long-lost tears come out in the daylight,
But not as crying
Words words words
Have you seen them?
I fill the silence with music
But no words
Mine are all I need to hear to fill the silence.
Listen
...
I hear melodies once familiar to me.
I forgot
How good my voice sounds when it says everything I keep locked in
Joyful
Maybe I needed to cry.
Maybe I needed to live months of silent tears
Fallen tears.
I gather them up on paper.
You read them and wonder
That first day on the bus, when everyone saw me and laughed, I cried
Through music
We were learning ‘He’s a Pirate’
On steel drum.
I played lead.
Every note, a tear,
They said it was exciting,
I heard my own tears breaking. Shattering on the drum.
Breaking on the steel.
I could feel it. Almost see it.
As the shards pierced my heart.
I played it slow and stately.
Then learned it faster.
Threw my solitary sorrow into the music.
But I still held it.
Each note
Dripping with tears
Played breaking in my head
Fell on me like an ocean as I smiled goodbye to laughter
I walked into school.
Smiled. Worked.
What else?
That’s my answer to everything
Homework.
It blocks it out.
My focus.
Deadly
They say I ‘go hard’
I say I cry.