I was already broken when you found me,
A soft spoken girl who forgot who I could be.
Not a choice that I made, but one thrust upon me,
by a guy who thought it was okay to be all up on me.
I scream in my head for my voice to start working,
as he looms like a storm cloud, stupidly smirking.
He knows that he now has reign over my being,
and I'm just stuck here wondering why I'm not fleeing.
His icy cold hands explore places unknown,
his booze covered lips let out a harsh groan.
Pinned under his weight there is no where to go.
So I stare out the window and notice the snow.
The white flecks of goodness, fall down from the sky,
Their pureness so beautiful, that I've started to cry.
I close my eyes tight and try to stop feeling,
But I fear it's too late, my head is already reeling.
My sight starts to go, I am slipping away,
and somehow I feel that, that might be okay…
Days turn into weeks and the weeks just go by,
my silence goes on, as my tears have run dry.
All physical evidence fades from my skin,
but nothing erases the horror within.
Self-pity, self-hatred, self constantly doubting,
Self walking around while internally shouting.
No-one can hear me, I'm drowning inside,
I need to find someone with whom I can confide.
The second I'm ready to let this secret go free,
The fear of their judgement suddenly stops me.
I try to speak but I slam my mouth shut,
remembering the way he hissed the word "slut".
How dare I speak up this was clearly my fault,
there is no way this constituted as sexual assault.
I didn't fight back, I said not a word,
and if I said no, I doubt that he heard.
So weeks turn to months and the months just roll by,
my bones start to show, I am starting to die.
One day as I sit in my hazy, numb cloud,
someone comes up to me and starts speaking aloud.
I can't tell if their words are actually for me,
then he sits right on down under my oak tree.
He extends out a hand and says "Hi my name's John."
I extend mine back, all doubt is now gone.
He tells me he noticed my sitting alone,
and that someone so beautiful shouldn't be on their own.
This makes me uneasy, I don't like attention,
I think that he noticed or felt all the tension.
He cracks a bad joke that catches me off guard,
and somewhere inside I don't feel quite as hard.
He comes back the next day, and the day after that,
I start to look forward to our daily chit-chat.
At first it is friendship, but then becomes more,
I become excited and anxious for what is in store.
But still there's a darkness lingering above,
and I know I have to tell this man I might love.
My hands shake, my lips quiver, but I let the words out,
I expect him to hate me, I expect him to shout.
What happens next surprises me all together,
as I suddenly feel as light as a feather.
John pulls me in close, and then hugs me tighter,
as he whispers in my ear "You're a beautiful survivor."