What is your favorite color?
Maybe it was blue, green, or red.
Mine is purple.
But you'll never know that.
Are you left-handed or right-handed?
I was born left-handed.
But I thought being different was wrong.
So, I am right-handed.
What do I do now?
Now that you are gone,
a piece of me is empty.
I am lost.
Ten years of my life
I spent thinking the man drinking in the garage
was my father.
Ten years go by and now he isn't.
Ten years of wondering if my father
would come to my soccer game.
Ten years of disappointment
when he never did.
Ten years of cleaning up his mess
when he got too drunk and angry.
Just to find out
he isn't even my father.
They used to ask us,
Who is your hero?
Responses ranged from
Mom, firefighters, policemen.
I was ten when I found out you passed, dad.
They told me it was heart problems.
I believed them
I trusted them.
I was fifteen when I attempted suicide for the first time, dad.
They told me you comitted suicide.
I hated them.
They lied to me.
Ive spent the past two years trying to figure out who I am.
All I know is who I am not.
I am not the daughter of an alcoholic.
I am not a failure.
I am not who they want me to be
But at least I know its okay to be different.
And its okay to not have a father.