thoughts after diagnosis


I keep blocking it out

Tying not to hear it

Can't face the truth

Can't bear to stand it


Trying to stay strong

But it's so hard to do

Because I can't help but hurt

Knowing I might lose you


Tell me its a dream

That its not going to happen

Say its not the truth

That its in my imagination




I wrote this poem after my Uncle Bernie was diagnosed with bile duct cancer in his early 50's.  My uncle was gay which brought many struggles to him throughout his life.  He was born in Erie but decided to move to Pittsburgh where he attended art school and worked at a book store.  He visited home in Erie often however to spend time with me and his other 8 nieces and newphews; he spoiled all of us rotten.  He was the one person in my life that took me seriously when i said i wanted to be an artist; he bought me art kits full of markers, crayons, colored pencils, charcoal, etc. for every holiday it seemed. 

They say only one percent of all cancer patients suffer from bile duct cancer.  Sadly, its one of more deadly as well.  He was diagnosed in August.  The day he and everyone else got the news is a day that will be burned into my memory forever.  How could someone so young have their life stripped from them in an instance?  We all were in denial and couldn't face the obvious truth staring us in the face.  He died a few weeks later in September.  By that point he had lost so much weight he looked like a skeleton; he could not eat; he could not move; he could not talk.  He died in bed surrounded by his family, a bright side to the awful situation.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741