I didn’t think that it would hurt this bad.

And I think that it’s worse because I didn’t see it coming.

In the end, it’s always there.

Waiting..

Watching..

Tracking.. 

It never leaves,

It overstays its welcome.

It’s the monsters that haunt you every chance it gets.

 

The first few months I thought I wasn’t going to survive..

But now..

I pray that I can survive a few more days.

Because maybe,

Just maybe, 

It’ll get better, 

Easier to deal with,

Natural to drown out.

 

But today,

It’s the unforeseen force that rules over my world.

It’s the story that needs to be told,

It’s the elephant in the room.

 

My scars tell that story,

The story of a young boy who dreams to have the physical body of a boy.

His head lives in the stars,

High in the clouds.

Or so it seems,

Don’t mistake escaping a nightmare for daydreaming.

 

My thoughts are brutal,

And my memories are unforgettable.

 

Filled with lectures and yelling.

Little to no positive physical contact or no contact at all.

I can see his face,

One that I wish I would forget.

But you can’t forget what your thoughts think will protect you.

 

Moving wasn’t enough.

I may be in a different state,

But the grasp that he has on my life just gets stronger,

Tighter,

It wraps around my neck like a noose.

Restricting me from being who I want to be.

Keeping me in a constant state of anxiety.

 

Teenagers aren’t supposed to be constantly looking over their shoulders,

They should be able to be free.

But that’s not the case for me,

Or thousands of kids around the world.

 

The cry of pain from a child when they realize that nobody is coming,

Pierces my ears as memories flood my mind.

All of the bullying and harassment,

They play my emotions on replay.

 

My thoughts never leave me,

And now I can finally see.

These thoughts are what I wish people would see.