Then VS. Now


I can name you every bully I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.

I can name you every day I've ever said I hated myself.

I can name you every moment that I've ever felt pathetic.

And I can name you every insult that has been thrown my way.


Despite my memory, it's still wrong.

Not the memory itself, but what it was about.

Every bully, horrible day, bad moment, and insult did happen.

But they weren't right.


See, for every bully that put my name on their lips and said:

"Ugly," "Fat," "Weird," and "Childish."

They didn't know what they really meant.

"Normal," "Healthy", "Unique", and "Young."


And for every day I said "I hate myself" in various ways:

"I hate my skin," "I hate my weight," "I hate how lonely I am."

What I really meant was "I don't appreciate me" in various ways:

"My skin will clear", "My weight will settle," and "I'll find comfort in people I love."


For the moments I thought "pathetic" about myself:

"Confused," "Stupid," "Scared," and "Broken."

What I should've realized was only:

"Being a little unsure", "Some inexperience", "Only fear",  and "Just stress."


Not to mention the insults that people thought were helpful:

"Stop being so smart," "Be more girly," "Stop reading all the time," and "Quit being so nice."

Were only them saying that I ad qualities they wanted:

"Intelligence," "Confidence in my feminity," "Concentration," and "Kindness."


For every memory that's wrong, I know the right meaning.

I knew what was truly going on.

Every bully, horrible day, bad moment, and insult were just one view.

And it isn't the view I think about now.


I can name you every bully, and tell you I forgive them.

I can name you every day, and say I changed my mind.

I can name you every moment, and say I was only being human.

I can name you every insult, and tell you even more compliments that I've heard.


Because for every horrid situation,

there is a silver lining that says "I'm better than that."

I always have, 

I just didn't realize how.


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