That's Not Love


Dear Anna. 

Thank you for coming to my party! I simply loved your negative calorie dishes, triple served with exercise. My sore muscles and exhausted dying brain cells simply jumped with joy! For chasing away my boyfriend, and Boy it's a good thing too, he was getting a little clingy-- all "concerned for my health". But you assured me in the bathroom I was not deserving of treatment or care or even disease at all so what was the point? For making my parents exhausted and guilt, always blaming themselves! My friends for leaving me behind- alone, with you Anna! So glad we get to spend more time together. You even taught me how to break out of those hospital walls with just a bit of loose change. For the warping of my body, and this may be my favorite-- constant bloating, ribs showing, but sacks of fat building in the strangest - most abstract art - places!! Hair falling out, teeth rotting, blood dropping, heart... Stopping? Thank you Anna. For my self esteem drop. For making me a freak. For taking every inch of me in your path. For making me "another lost cause." For damaging my spirituality, covering it in lies. For chasing away everyone I loved, giving me depression about it, but anxiety so I wouldn't chase them down and ask them to come back. Thank you Anna. For a chance of redemption. For a story. A cause. A reason to fight. For some reason you will always be with me, never giving up.. But at least now I know. Sometimes I am allowed to take bites of sushi, to blow off a day of exercise. To be me. And be free. 

Thank you Anna. See you in relapse. 

This poem is about: 
My family
Guide that inspired this poem: 


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