Sometimes I thought about packing my things

taking my cat

loading my truck

and disappearing

Like a magician and his cheap tricks, I couldn’t stay disappeared long

Guilt would find me

you would find me

I would lay down and keep lying

 

Sometimes I looked at oncoming traffic and wondered

only for an instant

how quickly my brain would shut down

Would it wait until I felt pain for the sake of punishment

or would it erase me the instant I made my choice

No

eyes on the road

 

I'm not the kind of person

who could hurt someone for my own selfish loss

There are people who really love her

who would have taken her place in an instant

Who would sit at her bedside day and night until

they couldn’t keep their eyes open

and then they would sleep beside her

right there in the hospital

Because that’s just what you do

that's just what you do when you love somebody

isn't it?

That's just what you do

And the moment I realized you wouldn't

I was gone.