i have never really felt enough of anything,
just mere bombardments in the
pit of my stomach
relinquishing all things glorious
and gut wrenching
when my mother asks me,
“what do you want to be?”
i pretend A WRITER isn’t spat out
in number two pencil
and casting a phosphorescence
of sincere afterglow where my veins lay
adjacent to the ultramarine sky
instead i say, “a fighter”
because that’s what we all want, innit?
to bleed straight out our veins a fighter?
not to have our graves drenched in perspiration and
remembrance of what we could’ve been
IM SORRY I'M NOT A DOCTOR
i have never really felt enough of anything
just the bile rising in my throat
as hypocritical threats are sent my way
i'm sorry that my culture
are a threat to your very existence
and that my father's beard
is symbolic to the terror
happening around the world
i'm sorry that i'm not allowed
to wear my hijab
yet you have it wrapped around your head
as if it's the new style.
as if it's a trend.
as if your pale complexion
would do it justice
as if my prophet (pbuh)
wasn't put on this earth
to teach us about the very
thing i have never felt so sure about -
I AM MUSLIM.
never have i felt so uncomfortable
when i am asked to take
the very thing i hold closest to me off -
and when i'm in class, learning about
that is september 11
for the one billionth time
i try to pretend that i don't feel
people staring at me
that i don't hear people giggling
and whispering my name
along with the overused “terrorist”.
oh, okay. my hijab is oppression,
but your racial slurs are not?
and when when when when
will you believe me
say that nobodyforced me to
wear the hijab
and that it was mydecision?
that i wanted to be closer to God?
and that if you can find
another idea, and thing morepeaceful
than islam, you can come to me
personally and let me know.
but i'd bet you'd come to my door
empty handed, tears of frustration
escaping your remorseful eyes.
and when you ask if you can convert,
you can bet my
faith in God
that i'd tell you no.
most stories begin with
once upon a time
but this one begins with
I AM A WRITER
I AM A GIRL
I AM MUSLIM
and ends with
I AM HUMAN
(so please treat me like i am, will you?)