I know its cliche but...

I'm my own worst enemy

They say you get to a point where you have to start battling your own demons

But when your demons know exactly when to duck and dodge...

It all become one exhausting ballet recital

“YOU can dance if you want to”

Well I'm tired of dancing around the problems in my head

The ones that scream out on cold night like this

‘You don’t even know the moves

It goes 5, 6, 7, 8 Plié, Plié,

En Croix…. en cloche…. Demi’

Have you ever had the bone crushing, soul blunting... anesthetic breath of self-actualizing hate

You know exactly how you got here…

Because no one wanted you the way you needed to be wanted

You just need someone to see you the way your dad sees your mom

My wife, he calls her…

every day like yesterday was their wedding day

He looks at her like she just walked into his life for the first time again and again.

You know maybe I should write about my misery, or…

Maybe I should just write about a love so beautiful

So sickeningly beautiful you all might just puke.

Ok here it goes

In a perfect world I would be able to tell you these things.

But the worlds not perfect and neither am I.

Things I want to tell you

I want to tell you that I'm attracted to you on a celestial level that makes me physically vibrate when I'm near you.

I want to kiss you without the stagnant taste of bitter sweet regrets and broken promise

I want to tell you that your aura emits the radiance of Adonis

...and your passion clings to you like morning dew

I want to tell you that I don’t want a watery over simplification of your magnificence.

I want you to help me understand that those around me do not measure my own beauty, but if I ever needed reassurance I’d find it in your arms

I don’t want to apologize for my impossibly high standards because you meet every description

I want to know what hold nature has over you and apprentice under her charm

I want you to know that telling you these things is going to be the toughest decision.

But … Of all the things I want, there is only one thing I need.

I need you to want me Like my dad wants my mom

Like it’s the first time, every time.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741