I was at the end of my rope
The palms of my hands burning
My mind telling me to give up
But that ancient part of me bent on survival refusing to let go
How did I get down here?
Was it that teasing laughter
Or those words they said shouldn’t hurt me?
Was it that, that pushed me so low
That I couldn't see the sun shining above, or the stars twinkling
Calling out to me with their never ending mysteries?
What happened to thrust me so deep into the Earth
That all I saw was the blazing inferno in its center below
Scorching my legs scalding my body as if I was slowly burning alive
And I was
I stared down at it, that fiery pool below me
My fingers flexing
I would only feel it for a few seconds
I felt my grip loosen
But tighten before the thought fully ran across my mind
What if I never saw my mother again?
Never heard her sweet, sweet voice
Calling me a strange strange child
As she shook her head, smiling so warmly
What if I never saw my little brother again
The only little boy I knew who could look so scary holding nothing
But a blue crayon
What if I never saw my father
Who got on my nerves more often than not
But loved so much more than I care to admit
I was, what they call, an unwilling daddy's girl
I remember when he was teaching me how to color
Saying: IF I SEE YOU DRAW LIKE THAT AGAIN
No more ice cream after dinner
I remember how that chilled me to the bone.
What if I couldn't see that random boy at school
Who tapped my shoulder
And told me he loved me
Only to say heck no, when I asked "Really?"
I had finally came up with a good comeback
But as my arms weakened
And that pathetic part of me cried out to let go once again
It slipped from my mind
Something amazing happened
I clasped that rope beneath my fingers
Pressing it deeply into my palm
With hope and courage I never knew I had
I bear hugged that rope so hard in my hands
I felt calluses forming
Surprisingly eased that pain
I held on for dear life
Because in those moments
In those few
I realized just how dear life was to me
And I was going to hold on to that life
Until the very end.