Victoria:
The empties...
I chased those little blurbs behind glossy eyes and shaking lips
i chased them...
those little moments of indecision and doubt
that occupy the space between the walls on my train of thought
I chased them...
I caught them

The stirrings...
A twinge in the gut that lets you know now is a moment you won’t ever forget for the rest of your life
I felt them...
The same force that makes you climb a mountain and tells you to jump off is the same force that draws you to that stranger that walks in like quiet beauty like the dawn creeping
I felt them...
I have them...

A feeling...
I saw it form in the corner of your eye,
a force so powerful that it could liquify eternity and turn it into the milk
you poured in your breakfast cereal that you ate
every childhood morning as you watched your parents fight
I saw it...
Remember the time that you scraped your knee and you were frightened cause you thought you would bleed
But nothing came out! It never wanted to leave you!
Like dawn: The morning sun came to see you

But you lie in your bed like a waster of good mornings
but its all in your head.
Its just a feeling...
Just a feeling...

Its just a feeling that stirs you and blurs you
Makes you think that you’ll die
But your life is yours
and you are mine
it’s a feeling reeling, stealing you into the back of your room
where you thought you would bloom
And the lamp on the table casts your shadow on the wall
as if you were only a girl
but you are just a rose growing through the cracks in your floorboards

So maybe now when the feeling comes stirring you’ll be reeling me in
and let the empties drown in the sound of yourself laughing
in the dark when you remember where you’ve been
maybe then you’ll see yourself bloom
but look at the shadows all around;
just a series of crooked petals and thorns
and i wish that i could hold you!
But you would just prick me!
so perhaps it you? perhaps its me
its the feeling or the reeling or the walls that are empty

Or maybe its the blurb on the corner of the screen
on every childhood movie you watched as you cried yourself to sleep
we could just rewind and remember the beginning
when things were just starting and you were just feeling
you arms and toes stretch and crack on the bed
when you were just stirring and blurring and reeling it in
and stealing the breath that you could see
when it was cold out and it nipped at your cheeks or
we could just replay it all and let it go
over and over til we know all the words and
hide in the shadows under a fort of blankets that
helped you sleep when daddy hit mommy
and you weren’t just a rose!

Or we could runaway and create something new
a world for sinners
more than just us two
i cant
dream of a moment when you werent there for me
and in the morning
the dew on your petals i looked forward to seeing

Or maybe they were just tears left over from the night before
when your weeds grew and dug into the floor
but dont wilt on me now! no not just yet
you cant you’re my bestfriend, heartache, matching set
just a list of things that we shan’t forget
and i wouldn’t change it all
no never a goddamn thing!
but perhaps we’ll look back and realize that
the morning sun was rising while our childhood was setting

I was in the garden watching you wilting
and break down all the walls you spent your time building
your shadow grew large in the afternoon and
shaded those around you whose ties felt binding
shaded us when the sun was too blinding
and the wind blows and licks your fragile petals off

we’re getting older
oh my god! i think we’re getting colder!
no it just can’t because you are the sun, the stars and every inch of sky that
towers over me when i think im gonna die
when our lives are ours and you’re still mine
so keep on stealing and reeling the sun to the back of your room
and your petals flake off as you collapse to the floor
you’re no longer a rose
cause you have always been so much more.