Such a Mom

Mon, 06/15/2015 - 23:52 -- Jenny
I hate saying good morning because I feel like I wake up in hell everyday.  But they would never know. I only survive because I imagine everyone crazy and I'm the only one sane. 
Does it ever cross her head that emotional abuse can drive a girl insane. She tells everyone if she ever dies of a stroke its my fault. She says she wishes I was never born. And that she should've just aborted me . That she regrets having me. That guy said the same thing. 
I wonder why God won't take me to heaven now. I've lived in hell for so long, most people don't  get that chance. Why? when I needed a mom, I get treated so wrong. I'm in here, can anybody see me here. Can anybody help. God can you hear me? 
Are you coming to get me now? I've  been waiting for you to come rescue me. I need you to hold all of the sadness I cannot live with inside of me.  17 years old and my heart is now healing, of everything  she's  ever said to me, about me. 
My pains flow through my words, and I bleed through music, because theres nothing I can do to stop her. I'm  restless. She will never see the good in me. She will never notice sometimes we sing the same songs in different rooms. She will never know that I really do love her. She will never know I do appreciate  everything  shes done.  
She will never know I'm  scared to leave my house sometimes. And I hope God blesses her, and makes her have everything she wants. But I'm so tired. so tired. 
Her words drain me, and sometimes I actually think I won't  make it. God please help me to stand on mountains, cause I'm  just so tired.
 At times I say goodbye world, and don't know what's going on.  I want to never be bound again,  I want my liberty, I wish to be free. 


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