The Struggle

Location

Me

I am one of a kind

I should have been an actor

with a poker face like mine

As I wake to the rising sun every day,

i prepare myself for the battle

which lie and mask am I going to use today?

No one knows what it is like to be me

I don’t think half of the teenagers I know

could go a block in my shoes.

 

The shoes of a girl who is overworked and confused

Confused about what happened to her amazing love life

The love life that any girl would wish for

The wish to have a boyfriend who treats her like a queen

And doesn’t only have all talk, but the actions to back him up

Well I wished for that and I got it

But somehow the time for my wish ran out

I lost him and the love we shared

Now I was left here to pick up the pieces of my love life like nothing happened

I was so confused because all of the promises he made and wonderful things he said

like “I won’t leave you”, “You complete me”, “I’m not like your exes”

and I believed him because there were his actions to back him up

but when things got tough all that went down the block

I am confused because the person I see in front of me

isn’t the person I knew a couple of months ago

He said he loved me and still wanted certain things to happen

but it was clear he didn’t want the commitment

He can’t have his cake and eat it to

The crazy thing is I gave him ALL of me

I thought he was the one to be

The one that was different

but now the words coming out his mouth sing a different song

The crazy thing is I still think of him

I still think of what used to be us

I still think of the memories we shared

I still had love for him

It’s clear that my heart will always have love

for him, even though my mind tells it not to.

 

How can you continue to love someone

who doesn’t seem to continue to love you?

How do I just move on knowing what we had and used to be?

These questions play over and over in my head everyday

while I have on my poker face

The times when I want to cry, yell, scream & stab things

my poker face is the one to get me through

It sucks and hurts to be me

 

Comparing the person I used to know & the one I have to deal with now

I wonder, are you wearing a poker face too?

Because to me this isn’t the real you

I want us back but I guess that’s not on your agenda

So I am left with the only option:

To fall back and let you go

My mind has accepted it

but

my heart beats to a different drum

 

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