A Story of Rape

Fri, 01/10/2014 - 15:05 -- mia1127

I am a fifteen year old girl
Raising two children in a poisonous world
One is barely learning to crawl and the other
Watches my parents pay the bills with alcohol
I depart like always to buy the usual
Groceries: Apples. Yogurt. Milk. And maybe some hope
To keep going
It was eight in the evening and the stars were shining and grieving
That was the night I did not make it home
I still remember it clearly

Walking past street lamps, colours of dull pastels
Shadowing the fear inside of my soul
My fingers gripping the sturdy interfacing fabric of my jacket while I
Outer faced the darkness of what would soon become “Molest Me” street

A lonely leaf slumps beneath my feet, spit out from beneath
The electric gas guzzler controlled by the man with the dusty hat
Warning me of an unfamiliar situation that I did not ever dream
Of encountering
Suddenly. The daylight is stolen
From my eyes replaced by the lantern of his hatred as he
Closes my consciousness
For a little over thirty seconds

My mind races with the thought of my hungry little girls
Safe and warm in the comfort of a broken home
My arms, tied behind my back as he reaches forward
And boils black marks upon my lips
I try to spit, to fight, but his grip
Holds me still
And I am a fifteen year old girl
Stronger than most, but not strong at all

If his hand were not suffocating my ability to breathe or to comprehend
I would turn to him and scream
“How dare you place your filthy hand upon my breast
My heart is screaming, fleeing inside of my chest
I am the one with my hand around the gun
And I am not afraid to take one last breath
The one who deserves to live longer would rather be dead”

There is no one around me
I am in another world
And in the morning, when it is all over
An elderly woman walks past me and
Glares in disgust
Because my bloodshot eyes and ripped apparel
My inability to stand or to move whatsoever
The dirt in my hair and my black and blue skin
Are not a sign of trouble but a sign of stupidity

I remember myself as this girl, artificial flowers covering the bruises on her throat
She is trapped, captured, a victim of a crime that she did not want a part in
She lies on the ground with stones beneath her breasts and in her throat
She chokes on the blood trickling down her forehead as the man rips out her hair
Her legs have been parted and she refuses to speak
She refuses to listen because all that she hears is whispering
Of the man, he is grunting above her
Threatening to kill her if she utters what happened that night to another
Bruises lace her skin and her heart
Is bursting from within
She cannot take this any longer

Scared to walk at night
Scared to walk when the sun is shining
Underground a man is burning his love, burning like the cement above
He is burning his love into a woman who does not want
To open her heart or her legs for this stranger
He forces her to feel his wrath but
She is innocent
So why must the innocent lose her innocence to a want to-be citizen
She is said to be free in legality
So why is she pinned beneath a man
Does the strength of muscles overpower the strength of morality?

I question the world silently, for no one is there to listen
Why are drug dealers sentenced in jail
For longer than a rapist
People choose to do drugs, it makes them feel better
I never chose to have these scars choking my skin forever
Drugs last for a day, maybe longer
The after effects of rape, everyday they become stronger
I felt unwanted and useless, more than before
And even if I had gone to court
Society would have dropped the case
Telling me it was my own damn fault
For wearing too much of what is called revealing
I never once imagined a winter coat and black sweat pants to be so appealing

Justice was not served
Did this happen to me for a reason or am I undeserved
I was never given the chance to move on
While he roams the streets, walking free
I struggle with depression and PTSD
I could have been beautiful, but where is the beauty in a shattered, scar crossed wrist
Society scoffs in disgust and screams at me to forget already
But how am I supposed to move on
When I had to murder his baby?


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