Still A Child - by: Nebiat Sammino

 I can have the best fucking job,
An that shit wouldn't suffice.
An athlete, a doctor, or even an actor,
An still my addiction is in the front of my mind.
It comes and goes, passing me by,
Like waves crashing at the shore.
Healthy or rich,
A month later I'm back to broke.

I hate people who love me;
Attracted to those who harm me.
Self secluded,
And isolated.
In my mind
Im the best, lone ranger
Mr. I don't need no body.
Reaching out is a pain!
I've been on this path to long,
To turn back to that;
"Amazing grace"!
Church folks feel sorry for me,
Pastor reading Salomes,
The deseatfulness of David, he screams!
His pitch, ringing the alarms.

Who do I fit in with?
A happy home seams like a far distance.
Can't stay to long,
My mind Speeding;
Doing a 100 in a 25 zone.

Itching and scratching,
Picking my face,
Thinking there's bugs under my mattress,
I'm losing my mind; never ending bullet flying though time, space, and that which divides us, our subconscious, i feel more drawn to doing whats wrong.
Whats the point of regaining it, if the perpose of life is to die.

When I was young, I was born into poverty.
Fatherless home, mother selling her body to men,
Brother was born with Aids,
a miracle, a beautiful flower withering in the wake of dawn.
Then our mother died!
We were just kids,
I was 4, an he just a toddler with wings,
He was dying even before he took his first breath.  I can't even invision the dreams that he musta held.
We had mothballs, no change, we lived in a penny-less home.

I think this musta fucked me up.
Created some chemical imbalance?
Post traumatic stress?
Searching for that outlet.
Not caring about ME!
or even Investing in my self, looking for a friend.  But i was searching in the path that leads to HELL!

So for now ill be OK, Change is a process, and its what ill do till my dying days.

Till tommorws calls me up, Im not sure if ill be able to change all my bad habbits. But i'll take it one step at a time, so that i mgiht not fall or stumble.

And hopefully evolve before its to late!!!!

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
My country
Our world
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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