The media says that that girl who sticks her fingers down her throat does it because she wants to lose a couple of pounds, when in reality she does it because she wants to get rid of all pain inside that is torturing her from the outside. "I'm just sick", she says as she returns from the hell called a restroom. With her sore throat, raging like a burning fire in the esophagus, from the acid in her stomach that she so loathes, and wishes was concaved with her ribs glistening the surface of her skin. People think she is healthy. She is not emaciated. She looks fine. She is not fine. She is not okay. The outside is a materialistic representation of what each human is perceived as by the world. The inside speaks so much more, yet is has no voice. No one can hear that this girl is dying on the inside. No one knows how deep the darkness goes in her soul. It is abyss of utter hell. It is the voices constantly barking at her, "YOU ARE FAT" "YOU ARE WORTHLESS" "YOU ARE NOTHING"
24/7, those voices speak and tatter at her self-esteem. She believes she is fat, and that she takes up too much space. Exercises for two hours each day to be the tiniest she can be, because she believes that if she is not the tiniest person on this Earth, she is without purpose. She convinces herself that her presence is unnoticed, and if she were not there, not a single eye would flinch to look around and seek her out.
"YOU ARE FAT" "YOU ARE WORTHLESS" "YOU ARE NOTHING" These words repeat over and over as she walks through the halls, with the bustle of teenagers laughing and rustling for papers in a black hole they call a backpack. When she walks down the street, crossing the road sticking to her role as a typical pedestrian. When she is at home, in front of a lifeless piece of glass that controls her, and as she picks and pulls her skin wishing unwanted parts would disappear. People can't hear these voices as they run through her brain, bashing every cell down just to take up space. They can't see the damage of her throat close to being ruptured, or the skipping beats of her heart. Since they don't see they just say, "She looks fine" Will they continue to say she is fine when she is laying in front of the porcelain bowl with no heartbeat to record? Will they continue to say is okay when she passes out from dehydration and not even a breath from another human being can't reawaken her lungs?
No they wouldn't. They would run screaming , wishing there was something they could do. But they were too late. They didn't realize that it doesn't matter what you look like, what your weight is to have an eating disorder. They only saw the smile she faked and the false laughter she conveyed when she was actually sad and far from health. As people, we need to look and realize that anyone can struggle with an eating disorder. This girl wished people knew. She wished that they could see that struggle so maybe she could be saved even when she didn't want to. An eating disorder doesn't have a specific face. But, it has the power to take away what a person is and what they can be. Stop putting a face on eating disorders. It can happen to anyone and anywhere.