At first, she was the Sun
But not Comforting sun, healing cold shivers and bleak days with angelic rays of warmth
Not the Tranquil sun, collaborating in perfect breathes with the wind to create a peaceful, sunny breeze.
She was the Texan sun. The kind of sun that gets the job done.
She provided warmth when warmth was needed. She shone her rays almost pleadingly. Pathetically.
But she did nothing to calm the mind. Nothing to ease the sweaty discomfort.
At Sunrise she knew to continue the façade, and at Sunset her heated soul could simmer as twilight transcended
But she was tired of being the Sun.
Eventually, everyone gets tired of the Sun.
The heat stroke settles it, and soon she is lost in faded flashes of day-to-day life.
She struggles to stay body positive in a society in which body image
Changes faster than one of her new diet plans
She fades into the background of a driven sister who she strives to become
She fades and fades until she is no longer visible
Until her dreams are unfathomable. Becoming a doctor is unreachable.
Not with her mindset, not with her demeanor. Her rays are not
Like always, the Moon rises up and darkness settles in.
She treats her usual sunburn delicately, allowing layers to peel off
gradually as she collects herself.
With dark skies come darker thoughts.
Will the effort she puts in college ever be enough?
Does she have what it takes to be in the medical field?
Will I ever be truly content?
Layers and layers peel off as I find myself in the dark
Some questions are manageable, while other
But like many unanswered questions, the possibility of Greatness,
Of Awesomeness, still lingers. We all have moments of heat flash.
In an angry blaze we all call into question
our capabilities, our insecurities.
We all go through dark times. I go through dark times.
And then the stars settle in the skies, like bright beautiful rays against
the dark sky. Not being consumed by the darkness,
but shining through it.
I don’t want to be the Sun. I want to be the Stars.
If I'm the stars, then everything is awesome