Sorry, But I'm Just Too High Maintenance. (An Anti-Pastoral Poem)

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You say, “Come to the green fields and blue skies,

they are oh so beautiful and oh so wide.”

But tell me my love…

are there showers in the countryside?

 

I do not need “a bed of roses

and soft winds humming.”

However I would really appreciate

toilets and indoor plumbing.

 

I don’t mean to be rude,

but what can I say?

I like warm food.

 

“Dancing during dawn,

Sleeping together past dusk.”

You’re words make me yawn.

Sorry, if I’m being brusque.

 

You will find another girl.

Most likely a tramp.

And convince her to go with you,

and together you will happily camp.

 

I wish you the best

I hope you’re pleased as a field mouse.

As for me, I will be living

content in my air-conditioned house.

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