Sorry, But I'm Just Too High Maintenance. (An Anti-Pastoral Poem)


You say, “Come to the green fields and blue skies,

they are oh so beautiful and oh so wide.”

But tell me my love…

are there showers in the countryside?


I do not need “a bed of roses

and soft winds humming.”

However I would really appreciate

toilets and indoor plumbing.


I don’t mean to be rude,

but what can I say?

I like warm food.


“Dancing during dawn,

Sleeping together past dusk.”

You’re words make me yawn.

Sorry, if I’m being brusque.


You will find another girl.

Most likely a tramp.

And convince her to go with you,

and together you will happily camp.


I wish you the best

I hope you’re pleased as a field mouse.

As for me, I will be living

content in my air-conditioned house.


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