Sorority Girls Must Smile, and Pretty Girls Don't Lie

I woke up every day at the same time,

Glued fake eyelashes to my same two eyes,

Pulled the same Spanx over my too-large waist,

Painted the same smile on my same round face.


Walked the row in my wedges, I never wore flats,

Talked to the same houses with the same questions asked,

Walked up the same stairs, while they looked up at us

While praying to God that my thighs didn't touch.


So Lily could get drugged at Phi Delt

And Brooke could get burned with a cigarette,

We're perfect, we're perfect, we have no regrets,

They all want to be us, don't ever forget.


I wear perfect Ray-Bans to combat the light,

Aspirin for the headache brought on by last night,

Trade sleep for Starbucks on my way to class,

Wear the same XL shirt over my extra large ass.


I walk to our mansion the very same way,

Jewelry with my letters that I wear every day,

I say the same things whenever I talk -

What frat are you in?

What day is your swap?


But what about the kid that almost drowned?

In a pool with 200 drunk people around.

What about the kid that went to jail?

His parents are rich, they posted his bail.

What about the girl too trashed to dance?

She was carried off in an ambulance.

What about my sisters?

What about me?

Am I perfect still?

Can I really be?

We're perfect, we're perfect, on this you can bet

We're perfect, we mean it, what's so hard to get?

We're perfect, you haven't seen anything yet,

They all want to be us, don't ever forget.


They all want to be us.

I say to myself

As I stare at the letters arranged on my shelf.

They all want to be us.

I'm thinking out loud.

As I lie awake overcome by the sound

Of fighting, of splashing, of flame hitting skin

Of phone calls

Of sirens

I'm finally in

I finally got a bid

Into this machine

I'm finally perfect

I'm finally clean.


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