my first drag was an impulse

at three am with no one to trust

i stumbled alone in the dark

before finally landing upon a spark


my mind’s an intolerable mess

so i’m shifting the burden to my chest

with every breath i savour the pain

hoping i could feel whole again.


my second drag was an experiment

a bitter but pleasurable predicament

awkward fingers curling on cylindrical stick

dusting off ashes with a hasty flick


my days are filled with continuous regret

burdened by memories i’m trying to forget

friends neighbors strangers and lovers

they shouldn’t linger on my mind any longer.


my third drag was a permanent reliance

paired with loneliness, a deadly alliance

smokes in the atmosphere looked so dreamy

made me forget that my life was dreary


people keep telling me this will kill

but it’s always been my intention to fall ill

with the scent of death i want to familiarise

so i won’t be afraid when i finally close my eyes.


- m.a

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<3 I love this.  Frighteningly accurate, and relevant.  Thank you for writing this, it's just how I felt.


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