Smiling Eyes

Your smile never went past your month.
There was always a disconnect there.

I watched you as you watched me,
And it felt like we were really one.

I thought I really loved you,
But I realized your heart was never mine.

You never loved me.
You've never even thought about me.
I can tell.

But I've thought about you
Everyday for ten years.

I fantasized about us being together.
That day will never come.

Your eyes have only ever smiled
When my clothes weren't on.

I stripped myself naked
And built you up to please you,
But building blocks are only as strong as the ground they're built on

And I'm just a city under pressure;
Shaking and moving.
Just the trembles before the earthquake hits.

And then, you smiled at me again
And I forgave you for everything.

But now, I only feel disgust.

Disgusted with who I am;
Disgusted with who I've become.

Of how I've come to fantasize about you.
Of how I've come to love you.

I guess this is what they call
"Loving a stranger."

My favorite quote has always been
"Dolorem et mortem vita est vita: the price of life is death."

Because that quote is so real to me.

Life is a life of suffering and death,
But to have life, you must pay by dying.

I think of this quote often when I think of you
Because your eyes were always smiling at other people.

But I could see that you weren't interested in me,
You were only interested in my body
And what I could do for you.

You don't care about the mental scares,
The tally marks,
The head banging,
Or the long nights. 

You don't care about what makes me tick
You only care about getting your dick wet.

But now, I'm free of you.
It hurts more than when I wasn't.

I now have a sudden clarity.
The fog has started to roll away.

I can see your face clearly.
Those smiling eyes are smiling at another,
And my heart is finally moving on.


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