Why do I smile? 

I smile because I have to. 
I smile because I can't let people down. 
When they look at me they have to be satisfied by the fact that I am okay. 
They think I'm okay because I smile. 
I smile to make sure that they don't ask me questions, 
to interrogate me, 
to be concerned for my well being. 

I smile for you. 
I want you to think that everything is okay. 
That the walls in my head aren't tearing down brick by brick
stone by stone 
as they crash on me and crack my skull 
into a million pieces,
like my mask. 

I smile with a mask that I put on everyday. 
Each day the mask gets bigger and bigger,
more and more layers are put on. 
Until one day that mask will break into a 
million pieces like my mind. 
The smile will disappear from my face and then you will see
why I don't smile. 

I smile because I want to think that I am happy. 
Maybe if I smile enough I can be like the rest of them. 
Going about their day enjoying the wonderful life they have. 
But my life isn't like theirs. 
Because I don't smile. 

Smiling is our way to connect with humanity. 
To be with one another and share a close bond. 
To remove it, 
is to remove yourself. 
From humanity, 
from the world, 
from your body 
and into the mind. 
 
The mind is where the creatures roam, 
eating the sad souls that wished not to live 
that are damned to life of hell. 
In a tragic pit of darkness they all lay. 
Piled one on top of the other, 
they erode and decay. 
The cries, 
the cries however are heard everyday. 
Their voices come as one to a melody and sing hymn of their wretchedness. 
But hear their voices one by one 
you hear their stories 
of their sufferings and grief. 

For this reason is why I smile. 
I wish for my life to not end 
but for a better one than the day before. 
That in hope I can truly smile.