Slam Poem

Please dont tell me I'm pretty when I can see your eyes flicker towards her when the words leave your lips. Please don't tell me you love me when you're looking at me but thinking of her. Please don't tell me you need me when you haven't bothered to call at all in the past week yet her name constantly flashes on your phone screen. Just please don't. 

I'm not the girl you fell in love with when you were 13. I'm not the one that makes your heart race or your cheeks warm. I'm not the one whose laugh is the only thing you long to hear every day of your god damn existence. 

I'm not her. 

So let's not pretend. 

I won't pretend that I'm as beautiful as her, even on her worse days. I won't pretend that I'm the one wont pretend that I'm the one who's constantly on your mind. No I won't pretend like I'm the one you love with every broken piece of your heart that I tried to mend when she smashed it again and again. So don't pretend like you love me when that word isn't even in your vocabulary until you're speaking to her. 

They say if you love something set it free; if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. And maybe that's why I'm so terrified to let you go because I already know you won't come back because you've made your home in her arms and I know you don't plan on moving back until you end up homeless because her hands are only touching you when his aren't on her. 

How could you ever love the girl that only broke you down so she could take the pieces she needed is beyond me because now you're incomplete and looking at me to make you whole again because you know I'll always give you everything I have. But I don't have anything left... and she... she has everything she could ever want. And the smile on her lips and the sway in her hips whenever she sees you tells me that she knows that. She knows that she's got you wrapped around her finger and it's a good thing she's got 10 of them but even that's not enough for all the guys that kiss the ground she walks on because for just one seocnd she'll make you feel like you've never been sad before. She brings you sunhine in a time that all you have is rain but too much sunshine and you get burned. Every. Damn. Time. And then what happens when night comes and there's no more sun? It gets dark. And you so badly need the light so you can find your way in this black abyss that it left you all alone in but much like the sun she won't come for you just because you call.

So how could you love the girl that destroyed who you are and made you believe that you're nothing without her? Maybe it's the pretty eyes or the smile that she wears so well or her hair that falls perfectly around her face that you love looking at. Maybe it's the words that she whispers to you when you're both alone and pretends like they mean something when you both know they don't. 

And I know you can't get it through your thick, baffled skull how no one before her could make you feel this way at all. But you know it's all bullshit and so do I. So all I want to do is ask you why you think it's okay to continue to love someone that hurts you more than they breathe but I'm afraid that you would turn around and ask me the same thing..

This poem is about: 
Me

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