sixteen

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i'm sixteen years old, and it's nothing like they said it would be
there are no wild parties and fun hangouts,
only excuses for people to get fucked up and shit-faced.
there is no romance or cute gestures
only subtle bribes in exchange for sex

all the television shows and movies lied to me
and i can't help but feel a sense of betrayal,
but i feel pretty damn stupid for believing hollywood,
so i'm left with self-loathe and rage

nobody told me that adolescence would suck
people who said these years were the prime of my life are assholes
because they're wrong on every single level
they didn't mention the acne and weight gain
the pointless drama and stupid desire to be loved

if someone had warned me, i would be better prepared
for the hardships and the stupid problems that arise
but instead, i'm going at all this blinded
winging it and just trying to survive

so instead of going out and spending time with friends
i'm home binge-watching netflix and cramming for the SAT
because that's all being sixteen really means anymore,
that, and sleeping as much as possible

i've gotten all the happiness sucked out of me
and it's been passed onto my little brother
who can sleep at 8 pm and wake up at 7 am
and get brainwashed by tv all day,
but I can barely get up at noon, and I can't sleep before 3 am

i wish someone could've told me the truth
instead of romanticizing my teenage years
because reality is like a slap in the face
and it's left a bruise that'll never go away

and i'm left feeling like a bigger fuck up than ever,
all the while acquainted with feeling worthless and shitty
i shrug at everything and drown out the world with music
i've run out of tears, and my smiles have grown weak

i'm sixteen years old, and it's nothing like they said it would be
so i'm left with four self-diagnosed disorders
and the urge to kiss someone, anyone, sometimes
and all of it fucking sucks 

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