To Silver Tongue, From Silver Tongue

Play...

Silver Tongue 
A tendency to be eloquent and persuasive in speaking
The gracious compliment 
And while we're at it, extraordinary nickname
Was bestowed upon a boy by peers who saw him as a confident, clever, courageous inspiration 

That was the one thing all his masks had in common
All had learned how to bend and twist language in a way that would earn bravos for each specific bravado from everyone around him
For that reason, he had many acquaintances

Acquaintance...
He was very cautious in using the word friend
Friend implied that he trusted them equally as much as they trusted him
Friend implied that they knew that his gift for weaving golden tales was discovered after years of living in vexatious silence
Friends were simply something Silver Tongue didn't keep many of

Pause... 
Replay... 

It all began as a blueprint
A plan to escape the hell that was childhood
An elaborate scheme that was developed as soon as God gave him the best birthday present a 14 year old "germ" could ask for
A reset button

With it came a chance to forget seven years of torment and humiliation
To create for himself a new story
One that ended with gazes of admiration 
Rather than glares of animosity

See, Silver Tongue grew up in a different dimension
One where it was common for his mom to say "Dad can't make it this time..."
One where it was the norm to poke fun at his insecurities like it was the norm to extinguish a flame with a hose
One where it was okay to doubt whether or not he even belonged on this place called earth
Where it was weird for him not to question whether or not he really had a "home"

"Home is where the heart is" they'd say
But his heart had been broken the first time he'd been called an outcast
It was shattered the umpteenth time he was picked last to play at recess
It was ground into sawdust when the love of his young life carelessly whispered another boy's name into her friend's ear

There was no heart
In its place stood a book
Documenting every time he let someone down
Every time he failed to live up to his environment's standard on what a black boy in America should be like
Every time his classmates branded him with words better suited for a monster than a human being
To them, he was a nobody

"Circus freaks don't get cool" they'd say
"If you ain't got swag, you ain't got nothin" they'd say
He unfortunately lived in a world that placed big talkers over big thinkers
And put higher value on how many swears you could say in a sentence 
Or how bad you could "rank" on someone 
Or what clothes you chose to wear 
Over how creative your ideas were or how kind you were

He never fit in that crowd
His quiet screams for acceptance were always muffled by a cacophony of laughs
Their paintball grenades disguised as jokes tainted his once pure psyche
Leaving nothing but a tie dyed, schizophrenic bird desperately looking for a way out of its cage

Reset...

"Enter Silver Tongue
A confident, clever teenager who always knows what to say and when to say it
He's slow to anger, quick to apologize
And he knows everybody!"

To say he knows everybody is a bold claim
He just decided to dabble in many friend groups
Keeps several connections in case he needed backup for some unforeseen circumstance
He needed allies, comrades, brothers in arms

Because life was a war he knew he couldn't win
Whether he liked it or not, things were going to happen that he couldn't control
He would still face moments of sadness
Depression
Thoughts......

But if he were to go out
At least he'd go out as the hero this time
He needed people to tell his story
Carry out his legacy
His name would live on forever
Like a god in Greek mythology 
His gilded life would be remembered by all who had the pleasure of knowing him
"A gift from the stars" they'd say

The only catch was that he wasn't allowed to be himself 
He couldn't
"Himself" was the same person that was tortured in his last life
No, he has to be what his audience wanted him to be

A gentleman
A jerk
A leader
A follower
A true advisor
A lying scumbag
An honest soul
A conniving demon
You want it? You got it

Before long, Silver Tongue had forgotten who he was to begin with
He was who he created
Several alter egos with separate lifestyles and conflicting viewpoints

Pause... 
Time for intermission

Cue the bouts of confusion 
Cue the late nights pondering existence
Cue the insomnia
Cue the growing irritability as a result of insomnia
Cue the split decisions as a result of irritability 
Cue the regret over split decisions
Cue the finger pointing
Cue the realization
Cue the regression
Cue the depression
Cue the "cure"
And now we're back to normal
For now
Until it repeats...

Pause...
Reset...

Dear Silver Tongue...
It's time to grow up and face the music

It's time to stop writing in third person because you're too afraid of being honest
Too afraid to let people in because you're afraid of getting abandoned again
Yes, I know all too well the crippling effects loneliness can have 
I know how tight the shadows can squeeze your spine and disguise themselves as "numbness"
I know how boisterously loud silence can screech in your ears
But your world is different now

There are people who need you just as much as you need them now
Some may even need you slightly more
You'll never know

It's time to leave the masks behind, too
They're depriving the world of an innovative thinker
Of a golden spirited idealist
And a great friend 
They've gotten you to forget who you are
Where you came from
And why you're here

You're not here to lie and cheat your way into acceptance
You're here to be a light 
To serve as motivation for both you and others to strive for greatness

And finally, it's time to stop running
Stop chasing love
It will come and stay someday, be patient
Stop running from the past
It helped create the person you are today, thank it
Stop running from your gifts
They were given to you for a reason
Acknowledge, embrace, and use them 
Stop running from your destiny
Whether you want it to or not, it's happening
May as well accept and have fun with it

Do these things and I thoroughly believe we'll be happy
Healthy
Ambitious
Determined
Confident
And grow into the person we're looking to become someday

Sincerely, Chris 
Aka Silver Tongue

Pause...

Play