Silent anguish
I believe my existence is a blessing
I believe everything that happens was written purposely
But God, I am not as strong as I thought
I have bruises every time I step on the slope.
When I was a child, you gave me a childhood of violence and exploitation
I was so young then, weak and innocent
But my innocence was robbed with poverty and mistaken identity.
I was a slave in various ways
I’m just no good
I have to do things but deep within, my heart is in pain
I cried out for help, but my cries died in vain.
The darkness of childhood
molds me to be wiser
and selfish in many ways
For me then, life is a battlefield
a mountain that is full of thorns and wild animals
I have to defend myself and climb its roughness
no matter how it cost me
I am just a child…weak, abused and abandoned.
How could you expect me to fight for my right?
It took me a lot of courage to build my defense.
It took me a ton of hardship
to learn the rhythm of life’s unreasonable plight
Time flies, and here I am.
Strong as it seems, but everything is a front.
People say I am rich, I am powerful, I have everything.
My dream of reaching the top took place as I planned.
But Dear God, there is no genuine happiness at the top
Where are the people I supposed to share my blessings then?
Why do I have to be bothered by the past?
I don’t want to turn my back to the nightmares of long-ago
I am done with it
I have created a new world
I have rebuilt my life
Allow me to live my life now
Help me forgive myself and find peace
I feel sorry for the people I have shown cruelty
because of envy and rivalry
I am afraid of my own shadow for the truth will swallow me
and destroy my personality
Dear God, help me.