She, Myself, and I

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"How whimsical is "She"? Singing, drawing, dancing, involved in school, So brave, beautiful, secure and happy with who she is and not who she wants to be", they say. "She" knows herself and as flabbergasted as "She" may get when people tell her that "She's" beautiful after years and years of heartbreak and suffering, "She" kinda knows it." If it's not joy, it's pain. If i am not happy i am not sad, but deeply depressed. Honesty is the best policy right? "I" refuse to be honest with the world around me, yet "I" am ever so honest with myself. I know my flaws are as big as the sun and that allows my insecurities to grow abroad my own reach. "She", that everyone "knows so well", wants to be free to exsplore deeper into my heart and soul, but "I" won't let her. "I" am stopping "I" from being happy! His almighty i that adore and him that i love give me my strength that i can not recieve completly based upon what people tell me what they love about "She". Why is "She" better than "i"?! If "She" is apart of "I", why do i see only "I" when i look into the mirror? Where is that beauty that everyone talks about? Why can't "I" feel as beautiful as "She" shows to my family and peers. Bullying is truely a tragedy, because if you've ever lived with it for years like i have, you'd learn to embrace those names that society gives you. I am indeed ugly, now i'm depressed. I am indeed buck toothed, now i'm suicidal. I am indeed a dirt mark in the world, at least that's what they used to say. Why change your mind now society? Is it because i have breasts, hips, and grew into my buck teeth? Now it is a matter of who is the sidekick here, "She" or "I"? "She" wants to show myself that i am perfectly imperfect, but "I" won't let her. "She", one day will help me to hopefully become victorious, but for now the only victor i see now is unfortunately, "I".

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