self growth

hey, eighteen is a weird transitional phase


 youre naive to think you know what you want but too young to realize you dont know anything.



  youre going to travel halfway across the country


 expecting to escape your general boredrom and malaise


 but you cant run away from yourself.



  youll chase after the first person that fills the emptiness


 bending over backwards to keep them around.



  its scary to think of doing it all on your own


 but between us


 hes no good for you anyway.



  when youre nineteen and all you care about is your weight


 i can promise that this is just a catalyst



  to long days of punching yourself in the stomach


 paranoia that your purging will be heard by your roommate


 and many nights filled with self hatred.



  its easy to fill the internal void with something as rewarding


 as feeling your entire physical presence shrivel away.



  but when youre crying about the chocolates you got for your birthday that you cant eat


 dont you think that its bordering


 on obsession?



  and when youre twenty years old you will start out the year


 drinking with your mother on your birthday on the kitchen floor.



  it will feel like youve finally formed a real connection with her


 until the alcohol dissolves and the happiness disappears


 and you realize youve got to get out of here.



  you will spend too long finally getting your sh*t together


 but at least youre starting to feel alive.



  after living so long without feeling like youve got a future


 you panic if you dont take a moment to appreciate good weather.


 the sun doesnt shine everyday now, does it?



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