I want to know what your hands feel like on my skin

But I'm scared I'll like it too much

I want to be a crime scene

Dusted for fingerprints

Roped off

Handled with care

Preserved

 

There's a fog in my mind that feels like a storm approaching

 

I lie on my bed, listless eyes, moving my arms like snow angels

Wondering

Why I should get up

 

Away, I am powerful

And I cannot be tamed

 

Here, I am empty

A shell of who I should be

 

So I find you

I find you and I make you love me

Because that's how I live

That's how I breathe

Through your lungs

The stars in your eyes

Make me want to be the girl on the pedestal

But I'm not

 

I am a cripple at the king's table

Begging to leave

Silently

 

Why won't you leave when I open the door? I push but you dig in your heels and make me feel good about myself which only makes me feel worse about myself. Fuck that. 

 

I miss seeing you even though I never have

 

I'm waiting for you even though we've never met

 

I am not pure

 

I am not clean

 

I lay me down in a bed of wood and I set my body on fire, screaming without a sound

 

Wake up with me

It's the only reason I have