I don’t know why I did it 

That kind of kills me

But I could’t stop letting my mind

Take ahold of me

I would stand for hours doing the same thing

If I didn’t, someone would die

I was sure of it

I would literally crumble to the floor and cry

Still in the same spot, doing the same thing

Had no control over what I was doing

Except that I did 

I just didn’t know it 

My mind controlled me

But I controlled my mind

I just honestly didn’t know it at the time

But that struggle that endless struggle

Makes who I am today

I was able to break free

I am comfortable in my own skin

I am finally me

But I hide that part of myself 

I don’t want others to know 

What will they think?

It was so embarrassing

I was a freak

So yeah, I guess that is a mask

In my own special way

No one will really know what makes me who I am today